>>11325331its funny looking back now desu, mind you I still cant remember much at all its like I was in a dream like state throughout it all, nothing felt "real" per say I felt nothing most of the time, things blurred together but trying to recall this "feeling" in memories is weird, its trying to remember those thoughts of hopless despair but I cant feel that no more, it feels like im looking at an entirely different person, I just know towards the end I went kinda crazy and lost complete touch with reality and ended up a hobo for a bit but then I dragged myself back home where I had to finally unbottled all my feelings, the strongest of which was my self hate because throughout it all I blamed myself
I know how this story ends so I dont get too emotional over it, only when I remember my mother do I get a bit teary but thats ok I keep going Im doing all the things I wanted to do I feel alive, I really hope you can find the strenght to pull through, I know the despair can be brutal and all consuming but you cant give up, you should find a something to hold on to, look for something that brings you a small joy, and never let go for me I wanted to learn to draw, im far from my goal but Im happy with the progress im making, my only regret now being is not confronting my feelings sooner but I make sure now not to repeat it again
