Quoted By:
Hello, Mr. Trump. This is the 64th President of the United States of America, Adolf Hitler. You might be wondering why and how I'm contacting you, and I'm here to explain. You see, Mr. Trump, your good son Barron is a time traveler. Didn't you see the signs? When he first went back, his first test was to go back to the late 1800s. He discovered that you could change the past. His second experiment was to save me from death, when my beautiful Deutschland fell to the misguided Allies. He succeeded. Why would he do this, you ask?
When Barron became President, the United States, a once proud nation, had fallen to its knees. The government was corrupt and the people a disgusting blend of genetic inferiority. That is why he sought to bring me back in order to solve this issue. Did you really think I had just suddenly disappeared off of the face of the Earth in the midst of that final battle where I mysteriously disappeared? No, Barron saved me from death and brought me to end this crisis that your nation will face. He gave me a fake identity and appointed me as the Vice President.
Unfortunately, although he was a brave and caring man, he was weak. That is why I took him out of the picture and assumed the mantle of President. I slowly brought back the true blood of Germany from the past with his time machine, until I was ready to cleanse your country and the world.
The point of all of this, however, is that I must take you out of the picture as well. Time is a strange thing, and it appears you would have mysteriously died around this time. Otherwise, this country would never become unstable enough to push Barron to that breaking point. Do not scream, or you will die. I am an honorable man and have replaced you with a genetic double of yourself for the body. Stand up and keep facing the same direction. Now back away, and you will be in my possession. I look forward to talking to you in person, Mr. Trump, and I apologize for this necessary inconvenience.
