>>688799yeah its really good, thanks for posting. reminds me of samurai champloo a bit
>>688855the world just got to me in the end. im going through an ego death of sorts, ive realised i am completely clueless about everything, ive come to realise reality is nothing like i thought it was, im in a derealization that is so severe i cant even put it into words. ive become completely useless and i cant even do simple shit like send a simple email or fix the loose screw on my door. its been loose for 6 fucking months. 6 months. all i have to do is go get the fucking screw driver and just turn it around a couple times. all of this while i should from an outside perspective feel extremely privileged. i havent met a single person in 6 months. all i see day in and day out is this same desolate country side, the beauty of which i cant even appreciate because everything looks like a strange dream. all this was triggered by a mental breakdown caused by my abusive gf which resulted in a full on schizophrenic episode. never thought i could experience schizophrenia, and even thought that episode has passed, just knowing what that feels like has instilled a terrible fear in me. i can not believe there are schizophrenic people out there dealing with that every single day. im so terrified of feeling that fear i felt then, ever again. after that episode i havent been the same. ive been seeing screaming faces every time i close my eyes. i try to leave my house and go to the city just so i can see some people my age and take my mind off things, but i just cant seem to ever turn my fucking brain, off, its in extremely deep philosophical mode 24/7. the only way to get away from the existential thoughts is to instead kill myself slowly by ruminating about the youth i lost, all the retarded decitions i made and how ive never had a single friend. But now that i have finally matured and wisened up enough to make the right decitions, i fear its too late.
