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Or what else would you call Spelunker's Associated? A fucking picnic? He gets his brains scrambled bimonthly. They call him fucking Madman, Charlotte, because he'll try anything twice. Three times. A fucking coward. And moping? When he's been trying anything? When he (and Thea and Nettie) have been the sole reason <span class="mu-i">any</span> dent's been made in Headspace? When he is trying right now, this very second, to put right the enormous terrible wrong he was responsible for? Moping? Fuck you.
So that's it for that excuse. Here's another. Ellery is different from you, because you are a shiny positive thinker, and he's a grouchy, mopey, angry, sweary negative thinker. (Case in point above.) Even if he tried to accomplish the same thing as you, his foul negative thoughts would invariably sabotage it, while you'd float on through unimpeded. Again, compelling. But true? Compared with an unabashed negative thinker, like your loyal retainer, it might hold water, but Ellery's hardly unabashed. He will give you that he hasn't been too happy lately. He wonders if there's any shocker why. But he will draw the line at shallow defamation, not when you wouldn't know him from a hole in the ground. Not a positive thinker? He corked negative shit up and drank it all the way down and partied and fucked and dodged cops and debts and thugs all night, and then all day he'd nurse a headache and dream of a real home, real life, real change. He was working on that, getting people together, making change, when they found him out and booted him off. You didn't know that, because you don't care.
Then after, underwater. Skip the shock and the adjustment, though plenty die right there. Hell, skip the rest, even Maddie, even though she liked him for his good attitude, and other things, but mainly that. Skip to Headspace. It hardly existed when he came onboard. A guy and his vision, and he came onboard because he liked the vision, believed in it, saw it too. Thought it could help people. Should've <span class="mu-i">been</span> thinking negative, should've saw the flaws and the flags, but it was too late when he did. But not because he was too fucking negative. Negative now— maybe. From good long experience. You'd be too, Charlotte.
So not that either. It must be this, then. Even if you're aligned in all the other ways that matter, this is definitely, 100% different. Ellery makes mistakes— to put it politely— and you don't. You never mess up. You've never done anything wrong in your life.
(2/3)
