>>57602497The great work is done. Kinda funny that I used your prompt to introduce a character back in the day and then you return the favor.
I caught myself smiling pretty much the whole way through. You have a very saccharine tone that carries your writing that frankly I think we could all use more of. Ceniza is a very charming woman and I like the way her chipper nature trips over her better judgment.
I also really adore the little cultural touches you pepper in. Being able to show off with little enriching details like that is great writing. And then you go full-tilt into anime writing for the climax. I'm much more of a shower not a ̶g̶r̶o̶w̶e̶r̶ teller, but big points for authenticity there.
But you have this habit of (only sometimes) making two characters speak within the same paragraph. Your dialogue is strong enough that it's always obvious who's who
especially since you really lay those accents on extra thhhiccke, but it still snaps me out of the narrative. I noticed this with your main writing too but now I worry about it becoming a habit.
You also left an errant "yourself" at the top of page 6 and misnamed Ninjask at one point so unfortunately I'm going to have to kill you, you understand.All in all, 35 pages is nothing to ceniz at, and I'm very proud of you. Huge thanks for your participation, I'm very appreciative.
>>57611219Oh hell yeah, that's good shit. Thanks for following through. Hey you know what, I think this resource would be great for the kind of work you do:
https://theworldofpokemon.com/locationGenerator.html 