So today I thought I'd rummage through my old box of Pokémon games for a bit of nostalgia.
Oh, I remember this! Pokémon Let's Go Pikachu for the Nintendo Switch!
This game was a remake of Pokémon Yellow from way back on the Gameboy. Not to be confused with Fire Red or Leaf Green, which are remakes of Pokémon Red and Green, respectively. Confusing, I know. It gets worse.
So Pokémon Fire Red and Leaf Green release for the Gameboy Advance with lots of new features and an updated roster of Pokémon. Then, Pokémon Let's Go Pikachu releases over a decade later with almost all of the new shit taken out. That's right, you heard me. It's one of THOSE remakes. Everything you know and love from the original Pokémon Yellow has been painstakingly recreated tile for tile in the least inspired cynical cash grab the series has ever seen!
In fact, this game has LESS features than the original! What the fuck?
You can't even battle Pokémon in this game! It's just a stupid ball tossing minigame! Like you're at a fucking amusement park trying to win a shitty stuffed doll!
Come on! Get in the ball you fucking rat!
ASS!
There we go. I'll give him a nickname too, how about that.
"Coq". This game sucks my coq.
*crack*
*gulp gulp gulp*
Anyway, the game really stinks. It's a real shitfest. It's-
*a giant turd suddenly falls onto the couch*
What the hell? Where did that huge turd come from? That's disgusting!
It looks like something's stuck inside the turd. Some kind of... Pokéball?
Ew, this is so fucking gross.
There. I removed the Pokéball from the turd. Now what?
*the Pokéball opens and Pikachu is released*
Pikachu?! What the hell? You're real?
You want to show me something? What is it, Pikachu?
My Switch? What about it?
Apparently Pikachu wants me to touch the screen on my Switch gamepad. I guess I better do as he says before he electrocutes me.
WHAT THE FUCK?!
AAAAAAAAAAAaaaass........
Where am I? What is this place?
Oh no... Oh no no no no no!
This can't be happening! I'm in the game!