>>57173373I've played the VN and, so far, it's great. I love how the music, writing, and art go together to contrast Kana and Suisei's circumstances, especially that part where the Stellar, Stellar instrumental just explodes in your ears right after Kana's monologue.
Kana, in particular, is a pretty interesting character, and I like how you used the supermarket scene to give us a quick rundown on who she is. Also, the way she opened her stream made me laugh out loud with how it's so diametrically different from Suisei's streams.
In regard to what can be improved, perhaps you could pull in the spirtes a little closer to the screen. Maybe up to chest or waist level like pic related. Also, I'll give you the usual advice about ensuring proper capitalization, punctuations, and such.
The VN format can really bring out a lot of emotions that plain text can't, especially because it has the benefit of sound and art to accompany that text. I know that it takes a lot of work just to make a segment this small because I also dabbled in Ren'Py back then.
I still remember Dysfunctional Systems 1 and Uncle Mugen's works - all were top-notch. Katawa Shoujo was made on Ren'Py too. Those were the days... Excited to see where you bring this. Good luck!
