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as I said I know what she is thinking becaus i haveto deal with these people irl. when they get high for free, they are sometimes pretty terrible. when they return to reality (like crashing from coke) they go in the opposite direction and turn it on themself. She has definitely done or thought some mean stuff long ago and is running the sims in her brain on loop, at least thats what seems to happen with them. it is a very egocentric illness, even the self loathing is ego centric. all "me me me", everything has to be connected in some great way to them specifically, everything that happens ever to cross their senses
