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Mental illness retardation warning. I just needed to let out my thoughts
I wish I didn't have these random relapses of starving myself for my oshi when I think about him sometimes. I'm going through it again and I wish it would stop but I want to be pretty for him, I want to be his eye candy, I need to feel pretty enough to even watch him or else I would be so disgusted with myself that I would turn off his stream and just go back to drinking water, chewing gum, and purging. All for someone who I won't ever have a chance with. I'm praying that this month goes by faster so I can get back to university and not have to think about him all the time. God please just get me a boyfriend again
