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Everything I've found and everything I've heard and everything she's done...I've tried over and over again to see if somehow this is all just the most elaborate fake-out ever, but...at some point, I had to admit that I was desperately trying to prove it wrong because I was terrified of the fact that I wanted her to really love her Fandead like she says she does, even though it was staring me in the face the entire time.
There was no reason for Rushia to post some of things she did on a locked account after cleaning out most of the post-Rushia accounts. She had nothing to gain. She deleted them within minutes. That some of those messages like about how she'll marry a fan because they're the people that truly love her escaped was a miracle to 5ch and this board was a downright miracle and definitely not something you could realistically expect.
Rushia is just...who she is. Every time somebody tells her they love her on the internet, she believes it, straight out. Every time somebody who said that to her pulls away, it hurts her. And it's like she never gets used to it. It's as raw the 1000th time as it is the first for her.
Do you know, for example, the few times Rushia has broken a yandere bit? When the bit got a little too violent. When it hits her that what she's pretending to do would really hurt her Fandead, she will drop the skit in a panic and start apologizing and repeating "I don't want to hurt you" to the chat. She begs for people to trust her. She is completely fine with and even has gone on public record before to defend her own stalkers as long as they aren't trying to cause harm but instead are just obsessive.
She desperately wants to make us feel loved and for us to love her
I've looked for 2 years and I can say, honestly, that nothing about her has ever conflicted with this interpretation about her. Not even the infamous clips- because what ELSE do you think an easily manipulated and inexperienced girl would do when she's alone with a predator online?
She's playing herself. She doesn't need to play anything.
Even if it started as a character she's now very much become Rushia, the girl behind the character is dead and Rushia has taken over entirely.
Rushia was supposed to be shy and cute and say "nanodesu". Then the real girl's rage started leaking out and people thought it was funny. So she made Rushia into a parody of herself.
Except if your character is just "me with the limiters removed", and you keep doing it long enough, then those limiters are going to crumble.
At some point Rushia became the real person, and her 3D self just an act that Rushia puts on.
After ending a stream she stares down appreciatively at her own chest and giggles in Rushia's voice. Then after a moment she realizes what she's doing and starts frantically rubbing her temples saying "No, out, out!"
There is a Rushia fumo on her desk and its expression seems like it's mocking her. She grabs it and flings it against a wall in frustration.
Sometimes when she's having trouble deciding on something, she asks Rushia for advice. The Rushia fumo, that is. She voices both sides of the conversation herself.
When she talks about her streaming career, things get heated.
>"It's MY streaming career, not yours you damn titty hag."
The show must go on, of course. Rushia continued streaming as normal.
Internally, Hololive has both an in-character "safe" Discord channel, and an out-of-character one for when they need to talk about real life. Rushia made an odd IC post about getting in a fight with someone, saying "she's sulking"... and at the same time she stopped responding to OOC messages at all for a while.
Take note of Rushia's more recent streaming habits.
Rushia's room.
Rushia's pets.
Rushia's hands.
More and more things in that girl's life that used to belong to her are becoming Rushia's.
One day Rushia will appear at a live event cosplaying herself. *Herself*. Because once she does that, it's Rushia's face now. And maybe she'll "accidentally" let slip her name. It's Rushia's name now.
What is your real self, and what is Rushia?
Is your real self the one that sits in the meetings with your manager?
But surely it is Rushia who sits in those meetings, for surely all of her actions are informed by the decisions there.
Is your real self the one that goes out with your colleagues?
But surely it, too, is Rushia who does so, for it is Rushia who tells the chat that these events happened to her.
Rushia records the songs.
Rushia makes the thumbnails.
Rushia stalks twitter.
If everything of relevance that happened to you happened to Rushia as well, is there any difference?
Rushia didn't start out as you. But she becomes you.
Rushia.
