>>54201033Overall it wasn't a terrible read, but I can't help but feel like everything is barely connected via very thin strands. Like I'm not feeling the solid connection between the events at a first glance, when I feel like you are trying to very firmly tie things together. The beginning had a few spots where you could stand to showcase things with a description instead of a simple trait. Also this might be me nitpicking plot points but
Why the fuck would Iroha just give someone a free shot at her when she had what she wanted? It seems almost too ooc to make her that cocky. It read like you were just trying to justify a forced stalemate and portray some illusion of choice for Civia. It all felt a little disjointed. The scene in the throne room was pretty interesting, though again, I feel like the buildup is lacking in that the tone and situation shifts so radically within seconds. Though from one perspective, it kinda reads like a play where actors are stepping in from behind the curtain on their cue, so if I think about it that way, it kinda works. I'm more interested in the Anon, Mel, Civia circle of things though, and everyone else kinda seems like background characters at this point. Like I'm not even broken up or feeling anything over what Koyori did near the end of the chapter. It's just kinda there in a sense. It could have just as easily been a passage from a forgotten tome.
