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25 now. Recently quit a job, i went the first day then stayed at home for two weeks because i honestly did not give a fuck.
That's not the first time I've done something similar, in fact I've probably done it with every single job I've ever had. I just get so fed up with the same daily routine and bored that i just stay home, most of the time i don't even bother faking being sick or give any kind of notice.
Now I'm looking for a new job, but i know that I'm just going to repeat the same fucking pattern, i just simply don't have the work ethic of some people. How some can get up in the morning at the same time and repeat the same daily process five days a week is honestly mystifying to me, I've never been able to keep a job for more than a few months. My mother frequently works like three night shifts in a row, and she's expressed to me that she's not overly fond of her job, so where the fuck did she get the drive to still get out of bed and just do it.
I'm absolutely a lazy useless cunt, with very low social skills, no practical work skills, even typing these words i feel fucking ashamed of myself, but yet I'm too apathetic at this point to do anything about it. I honestly don't believe I'm worth salvaging, I feel like i was born broken and i will die broken.
I've never been in a relationship, still a virgin and I've only ever been on one date which obviously led nowhere. I have a "fear" of intimacy. I don't even care about sex at this point, i jack of once or twice a week, what i need is any kind of affection, i just need a hug, but i also think I'm to broken and pathetic to deserve a hug from anyone, i feel like a complete waste of time.
I have no idea what would make me happy, i can have fun, sure, but only for a few minutes. I seriously can't remember the last time i was happy an entire day.
I'm the reason for my own unhappiness, i also hate myself enough to where i don't care to fix it. Fuck man, what else is there to say?
