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When I was christian I felt constant doubt, obsession about hell, and I had to constantly try to guess what gods will was for me.
I read bible verses and noticed contridictions, or things that were just retarded, I tried to logically make it work. My head literally started hurting trying to "harmonize" the verses.
I had a huge mental fog when I was a christian, it ruined my critical thinking, I couldnt achieve anything on "my own strength because without Jesus I cannot do anything", and all glory belong to Jesus not me. I couldnt "stop fapping/drinking on my own" but i was only allowed to beg Jesus to take it away from me.
When I succeed in anything by sheer willpower, I was being "prideful" and "self-glorifying".
This religion is a mental disease, a mind virus, I could literally feel like I was being possessed by something when I was part of it. Part of the mindvirus/cult is the threat that once you leave it, you can "never be brought back to repentance, because you crucify Jesus again to his shame", so most people are too afraid to leave it for a few months, and look back at it from an outside perspective. It's a psychological prison in so many ways I can't explain yet.
There is a large percentage of people who suffer from Religious trauma from christianity. I used to sperg out to all my friends and family about how Jesus loves them, but will burn them in hell forever if they dont believe in him and I quoted all those schizophrenic verses to them. I lied and said Jesus brings joy and freedom, but I was extremely depressed and obsessed about hell and misery all the time. I became a more callous person, I stopped loving people genuinly but instead just tried to brainwash people to become christian.
