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I want nothing less than to destroy my father emotionally. He, despite his affectations of strength, is a very vulnerable man. He must be commended for his propensity for self-deceit. He sees himself as an innately good soul but just not someone to be fucked with. A victim essentially. You can learn a lot about someone through what they accuse you of being. To him, I was an evil narcissist who lacked "innate goodness". He has social blinders on and has trouble with cause and effect. He could be as venomous as he wanted with me and were I to strike back he would be genuinely confounded as to why he was receiving such treatment and, I can only assume, felt vindicated in his imagined status as victim. His family was harsh to him. He was the only boy in a house which had been devoid of paternal influence, his father leaving them for their babysitter (life can be so cliched). He was bullied by his older and younger sisters and they, as a family, developed this kind of familial folklore of them against the world. There was the outsiders and then there was them, the ideal people. Because I didn't buy into this nonsense, I was seen as a sort of outsider, deserving of their contempt. When I retreated from them emotionally the problem lay in my own psyche and not their twisted pathology, their folie a trois. I, being young and not of particularly seasoned in the ways of the world, internalised their contempt and developed an inferiority complex so profound that the only antidote was an equally profound superiority complex. This, of course, only confirmed what they had always thought of me. I could really go on for days about this, but I think you know enough already. What I want is to really destroy any semblance of psychological comfort he is clutching onto. How do I do this?
