>>12345171I'm scared of failure.
Also I have this retarded irrational fear that me breathing heavy is fucking gross. Even if I'm doing something that's supposed to make everyone breath heavy.
Like if I'm running (lol, maybe jogging) on a treadmill people would go, "Ew, gross, what is he doing here?"
It's incredibly self-centered too. I've read a few good posts like, "Nobody is going to pay any attention to you, they're at the gym. Why the fuck would they bother thinking about anyone else? Half of the people who go there don't want to do it either."
But God damn it. I hate how I look so much. I hate that I get out of breath. Even thinking things like, "If I stick with it for 3 years and I'm fucking in shape (not like Hercules or anything) and I get to rub their faces in it, especially anyone who hasn't made progress." That doesn't motivate me. And I can be smug and mean. It would feel amazing to look down at others. Nobody hates me more than me so I could aim that at people who aimed hate at me and rip apart some insecurities.
I've had all of covid and I haven't even started.
tl;dr Cowardice. The greatest sin against God.
