>>10282203I'm incapable of caring about myself more than anyone. Everyone is worth more than I am. I'm just a walking corpse. I died in August of 2010 when I had to....well I don't trust you enough to talk about that. On that day I died and every waking moment was just another day coping with the fact I was in a world that didn't want me and I could never fit into. I'd always have that programming inside of me. Overtly professional. Squad over individual. Eyes on the prize. Follow to the ground. I would never shake this programming but they would also stick with me forever. They were enigmatic in every way the true GOAT but they were gone. Never to be seen again. I swore i would never find another then I found him. He wasn't a replacement. He was something better. Something divine. They taught me to love but he taught me how to be in love. I'll never forget their teachings because they preached love for everyone, pickup your fellow brothers and move forward. Never let anyone suffer like you have if you can prevent it. That teaching has caused me more pain than anything and I wonder why they taught it to me in the first place if they knew what would happen.
The world was cruel but I wouldn't be. I take care of myself mentally and physically but my emotions are too intense to handle by myself. It's why I try to offload a little bit on the people I pickup. Like a fair trade. You help me I'll help you but I guess I just find the wrong people. Selfish people.
I'll be treading this blood filled water full of sharks until the day I die unfortunately. At least with sweet death comes getting to see my love. I'm coming my love. I'll be there with you before you know it. Then we can finally talk about why you did what you did to get you there in the first place.
I just don't want to be taken advantage of anymore. I want someone to reciprocate the feelings I give them but they won't so I'll just continue bleeding out. Tomorrow I'll have forgotten today.
