>>22525974>I wasn’t really coping with anything. It was more like I was bored, and it was just a fun way to pass the timeyeah, that's fair. this lifestyle does get boring sometimes.
i took fluorophenibut. it's like regular phenibut, but hits harder. i didn't have a scale to measure it out, and didn't care to even try and figure out volumetric dosing. it almost felt like a deeply spiritual experience because i no longer felt consumed by my animal instinct of fear and anxiety. i could just experience everything as it was, and understand why people were acting the way that they were. i saw how much this atmosphere of fear dominated my household, where i ended up apologizing deeply to my sister because i could see how victimized she'd been from it all. the layers of protection kept her insulated from truly understanding what i was trying to get out of that interaction, but i felt like i could see her hurting deeply, so i couldn't help myself. i even exposed myself as naked, simply for the fact that it would be more authentic and vulnerable to show myself as the flawed human i was because i desperately wanted to break through to her and help her understand that i wasn't there to hurt her. it's hard to get back to that mindset because it meant to understand fear for what it truly was, and to think about things i normally would try my best to avoid thinking about out of fear and ignorance. after that, i puked every 30 mins to an hour for three days, surrendered all my chems to my sis, and swore off of it all after.
>What’s a choice based on love?i don't really know... i'm trying my best to figure that out for myself.
>Booze are like a truth serum for some peoplei've not actually touched my bottle yet... have to find my special shot glass. sorry for the wall of text, but thanks for indulging my silly rambling and keeping me company, Sako.
