>>19867556"Ladies and gentlemen of the WWA Galaxy, it's me, Colby Jefferson! You can tell because of my huge fivehead and these ugly glasses! Now I'm a little bit tired -- I was up all night listening to my fiancé in the other room -- so I don't think I'm going to do a 45-minute monologue about the history of this sport, or remind you of all the things I've done in the past because nothing important happens in the now. But I also can't goo too long because I've got a bad case of EAS -- Eternal April Syndrome... you know, back when the faction I'm in meant anything to anyone. It's clouding my judgement and I can't see straight" --
>[Kelby removes her glasses. And turns to the audience properly.]"No guys, seriously. This bitch is blind as fuck. I mean obviously; she must be to come out swinging at Kelly O -- but these glasses are so strong I feel like I've just spend a night with that initial-stealing addict, Kasumi. Oh, but drugs are bad, okay? You need to keep the few braincells you have left. Anyway, where was I?"
>[Jeffersomegason puts the glasses back on and makes a show of wincing. Maybe it's not a show. But she slips back into her bad Arkansas accent.]"Oh yeah, my totally cool and close personal friend, Priscilla Divine. The one who I'm way too scared to go after, despite three big wins, so I'm going to throw that good will away when I lose to Kelly Omega at Waifus Collide II! Now Kelly Omega has never shied away from a fight, including doing all she can to try and face Priscilla one-on-one. AND GETTING DUCKED AT EVERYT TURN FOR IT. But Colby Jefferson? Now way! If there's one thing we all know it's that Colby J is a good-goddess-above coward. I'd never dare to question Priscilla! In fact, she can have her way with my fiancé and I'll pay her. You know what; she already has! But I mean, shit, who hasn't by this point? Might well start calling me Colby Sloppy-Secondson."
