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im am ok looking guy and lots of girly liked me, had a couple Gfs in grade school, I could easily have had a really good life handed to me on a silver platter but ive always been a little insecure and everything was completely derailed by a heart arrhythmia which gave me anxiety problems and basically crippled me
at this point in my life nothing will make me happy but love and companionship which is the one thing I can never have. ive sat around playing videogames and watching tv and NEETing, ive done drugs, ive dropped all that stuff and spent years indulging in literature and intellectual pursuits, creative hobbies like drawing and writing
literally all of it comes to nothing, its all frivolities and vanities with diminishing returns. nothing in this life will ever fill the void where your family is supposed to go, where you are supposed to love and be loved
