>>8744515>I remember it mostly being because I felt alone both at home, at school and in the world as though nobody understood me. I spent a lot of time reading about stuff I knew nothing about like politics, psychology, sociology and economics in search of a reason why. It made me have a very bleak outlook on the world like it was full of monsters just looking to eat me lurking in the shadows of things I didn't understand that affected my life. I was afraid and needed to feel tough. The bleakness I felt I was just projecting into anyone or anything I could. In a way it became part of my personality. This, I went through something very similar and was constantly doing research on a hundred different topics from philosophy to entertainment to current events to find a way out of how awful I felt
>Looking back I could've realized sooner it was my fault for the isolation and general lack of belonging I felt. There was no one to blame but myself for pushing people away. It truly is a shame I spent so many of my teenage years being an angsty edgy prick at school while being my true self only after.Can't say I went through this part though, there were certainly a lot of things I was to blame for but I don't regret pushing everyone else away one bit. It would only have made things worse for me had I tried to find friends - the situation my family was in was just too extreme.
