>>4569830I'm really sorry for what you're going through OP. I don't know exactly what advice I can give you, other than to suggest that there's no point beating yourself up now for the life you lived. It doesn't sound like the most moral life, but it also sounds far from the worst, and it certainly sounds like it was colourful.
I'd suggest there isn't any harm in trying to reconnect with religion - either that of your birth, or a different one. I'm not certain if God exists either, but I do suspect based on the abundance of religions throughout history with similar themes that belief in the right god is less important than belief in any god which is less important than living a good life. And yours doesn't sound like it was an overly immoral one.
I sincerely hope you find some peace before the end as well. And to whatever extent you can help that by not beating yourself up about your perceived sins, I strongly suggest you do. That isn't to say you can't regret them, or that you can't acknowledge them as sins. But don't let them control you with fear. I really hope you find God as well, if that's what you want.
>Good luck anon.>Thank you for helping the hivemind for as long as you could. 