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> be American
> grow up in beautiful suburban house
> have two magnificent, loving parents
> mom makes apple pie when you're sad
> dad teaches you to play baseball
> attend a regular public school
> socialize and make lots of friends
> start noticing girls and fall in love
> parents care about you deeply
> parents don't buy into cheap rethoric
> decide it's best to have you vaccinated
> after all, you're their greatest treasure
> visit your personal physician
> doc takes inoculation needle
> raise your left sleeve
> close your eyes
> get shot