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So there I was, putting on my rape shoes, and practicing my sexual harassment pickup lines this morning. I just got done cyberbullying my coworkers. It was time to shave, I yelled at my wife to smile because I demand it, while pinching her butt right after she told me she didn't consent to it. Putting on the shaving cream and thinking about how I can get my son into a fight at the next BBQ, I replaced the worn Gillette brand Mach3 and began to chant "boys will be boys" as I started to shave. Then suddenly my daughter burst into the bathroom holding her phone. As I began to mansplain to her why she isn't smart enough to know my shaving time is my time she showed me the new Gillette ad. I realized how my every view and behavior I've ever held dear was wrong. I'm calling in sick at the toxic masculinity factory today and registering Democrat. Thanks Gillette, now excuse me while I help to impeach.
