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saw things from a whole new perspective. had a revealing experience. been months since i smoked weed so it hit me very hard. thought about /smg/ a good deal, what i'm doing here, what you are all doing here, the whole point of this, really spent the whole high in self reflection and i think it was good for me. lotta self-criticism but also a lot of humor and inspiration. i'm definitely a whole different person when i'm stoned, and it does make me a more contented person, but it made me question loving, the way normies do, understood again the way you put your vices and pleasures ahead of your relationships. think everyone has an urge for companionship not just me, tfw no gf is real. weed is a great coping tool for that, makes you really self-critical and like you shame those behaviors out of yourself.. almost made me wanna quit blogging, but now that i'm coming down i'm right back at it. sober me though sees the benefits of love and blogging though, how important that is, and i can't believe i saw it any other way but i did just now. we have a spark in our hearts for friendship and belonging and there's something to that. part of why i hate all the negativity here sometimes, the social urge itself comes from a place of tender yearning, a weak and vulnerable spot inside us that needs others, needs attention and validation. then again i don't have friends irl, some people have enough relationships to keep their souls warm and they come here to dump toxic waste, i get that too, wish they wouldn't though. anyways feeling more enlightened but also like i got run over in a way, very taxing physically and mentally, don't want to get caught up in this again, but i do need to keep weed a part of my life i think, so long as it's going the way it is, had been too long without my medicine.
