>>6479668I know this all too well. They know, and they have told me the same thing. But sadly, as it is with most psychological troubles, it is unconscious and involuntary. Knowing is not assimilating. Which is what makes it so hard when it happens, because I can't calm myself down thinking rationally: so I either get drunk really fast before it gets too bad, or I start working like a madman, generally all through the night.
And just to tell you how deeply ingrained this feeling is: do you know what days of the year I hated the most during the year as a kid?
Well, they were many. But two always stood out: christmas and birthday, because I was guaranteed to receive gifts. And I didn't want gifts. My parents always asked me: "what do you want for your birthday? What do you want for christmas?", and all I answered was "nothing", not because I did want nothing, but rather because I didn't want to receive a gift. Looking back on it, it is a little selfish. But even today, I don't receive gifts during these times of the year: I have an implicit contract with my parents, where I buy my own gift, and give it to myself.
Alright, enough rambling. I wouldn't want to ruin the comfy mood completely.