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As far as I can remember, my father denigrated women both mockingly and earnestly throughout his life.
"Women are fickle from birth! They never know what they want!" he'd say when my mom would lock herself up in the bedroom and soak the pillows after a fight. My mom only pretended to fight back, and although she hated doing his husband's bidding, she never got a job nor took pains to get one.
Dreading that angering him further would lead to irreparable consequences I got accustomed to living under a mask of obedience and silence, always ready to be servile and stepped upon. Owing to my cold and mysterious attitude I was forced to join various communities where men where in the majority in order to "grow a pair". Needless to say, all the attempts to remove that mask that was by that time stuck on my face and part of my character fell flat. Yet there was something I could fondly single out from the rest of the tortures I had to go through in my early teens: guys were the only ones who would dare encourage me through thin and thick times, whereas girls would learn to look down on me and dismiss me as a loser and a wimp. I never learned how to cope with women, even in this very moment I feel like i can hardly find the warmth and sympathy I found within men in women. Women are through and through a mystery to me and working out how to appreciate their qualities and be around them is a task I could never accomplish in my life.
