Quoted By:
I've got cyclothymia and anxiety issues so pills have actually helped me quite a bit. Unfortunately my family has a predisposition towards mental illnesses and there were a handful of notably traumatic moments in my childhood which opened the floodgates for me to start developing mind problems myself. My mom's side has depression while my dad more notably encounters complications with psychopathy (he's collectively been in prison for a total of almost 10 years by the way.) My sister seemed to inherit my mom's side more since she was suicidal plus had a bad cutting problem and I got a shitty mixture of both of my parent's cerebral flaws. She only has the occasional bout of anxiety nowadays though. I think it's because she managed to find a boyfriend who she's been with for nearly 5 years so that must be great support for her.
During my "up" episodes I get a powerful urge to interact with others. I feel really charismatic, hopeful, and outgoing although I'm impulsive. On the other hand when I swing to "down" I have really poor self-esteem, my motivation is completely null, and I generally contemplate suicide or entertain myself with thoughts of killing myself. The depressive events are way worse for me to deal with. I'm an extremely self-conscious person so I note how much my mood changes yet I can't do anything no matter how much I scream at myself. It's this weird sensation in my chest I can't fight, only acknowledge. I have delusions about God punishing me and a significant problem with unwanted thoughts. It sucks man, I have the foundations to be such an amazing person but I'm severely restricted from my potential thanks to my problems. It just ends up festering into more self-loathing after seeing how much of a fuckup I am despite me being popular with my peers and receiving compliments a lot. On the outside I'm a charismatic guy loving life when in reality I'm repulsed at myself for how achingly disturbing I am on the inside. I want to collapse in on myself.
