blues are back. guess i've come full circle. felt this way at the start. not saying i made all the right choices, i certainly didn't, but i left my heart open, tried to do better, tried to move forward, reached out whenever i could. what hurts most though is knowing that i'm willing to forgive but she doesn't want it. that empty gestures of pettiness and meanness is more dear to her than me and my feelings. at least she left though. or is hiding. or who knows. it's not that i don't miss her but i'm not in the mood for more cruelty and games. so wish things could have been different. i can't change who i am, my blood, that's something i didn't choose, but hearts can change, they aren't fixed, and her unwillingness to do better, her devotion to cruelty and prejudice, that's too much for me. i am human though. all people are, they aren't some creature beneath dignity and respect, no matter what color their skin is or their heritage. i can deal with it from you all, and sometimes you're even funny about it. but i don't love you guys. i don't even want to be here. this is a refuge of someone with nothing and i'm eager to leave, a nasty bus stop in a dark corner of town. i'll keep trying to shine a light, when my heart heals. have had some good times here. maybe intel goes to $100 share, makes me really rich, opens up new doors. maybe i find what i'm looking for and my life fills up with meaning. until those things happen though i've got time on my hands and feelings to spill, and i'm still trying to share directions out of this hole (bynd mram wkey laes intc snap). stocks are a lot like the bus though, you gotta wait for them to arrive and sometimes they run late, out of your control.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VX6UgpL9DL8 