>>10547212these threads don't work as a coping machine, they were only here so I'd find it easier to express myself and it did wonders on that part, wouldn't call myself and orrator like cicero but cic was a cunt and got what he desserved anyway
I don't know how to cope, I tried everythibg from anime, meditation, healthy foods, feng shui, horticulture, hobbies, not wven drugs seem to work
pot only works while I'm on it or have a ready source, my body already adapted to high doses to the point of high cognitive function except when I'm on the floor but it's hard to go there anyway... but I can't be high when working maaaaaan, even in junkie circles that's seen as a faux pas
why aren't the benzos working, I must wonder, why is cannabis the only thing keeping me sane and level headed right now
I need directions for life but everybody tries to manipulating me into making myself psychoti... wait
how to get warded without harming anybody but also not attempting sususudio? I'm sick of attempts, when was the last time I failed at suicide by short margin??? I don't know
all I get now in my head is taking as much benzos I can with as much opiates I can (codeine, opium I guess) and chugging it down with alchohol so I can stop breathing
injection of potassium chloride, jumping off of my attic, cutting my left arm off and running amok beating passerbies with it senselessly until I bleed out....