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The idea of a girl liking me is so unrealistic. Yet it's filling me with such a split. On one hand if I do nothing I lose the chance, but if I do something the 1-2 interactions with her I have a week may become awkward. "You soulmate can only wait so long" is what came into my head. I really wish I didn't feel this way, because it makes me realize how pathetic I am. I wish there was a way to just stop these thoughts that plague me. Why can't I be normal? All you got to do is look at me to realize I'm different (I will never understand people who want to be "different"). When ever I walk in front of people I start to worry about how they will view my walking which causes me to spazz out and walk like a retard. I don't talk to women anymore cause I can't these emotions. They make me wish to fully end the thoughts.
unrelated, but I think growing up is getting less scared of death and more tired of life cause that is what it really has been for me.