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It's like what's even the point you know? I've been like this since i was a kid. This shit has permanented in my brain long ago, there's no help for me no getting better. My mind is forever fucked and sure i can go to therapy and get on some form of meds but why would i when i know it's never going to work and i'm left with the side effects or they make my episodes worse. The nothingness/numbness has been getting too much and it's not like i have friends and family around me, i could never keep any relationships it's like they can smell the bpd on me and stay away based on them telling me im weird or the way they look at me but it's not always them i was like this since a kid. They took me to some place for potentially disturbed kids since i was practically catatonic growing up. I'm more normal now as in you'll never know anything is up with me but i myself know it's never going to be better for me & that's the way it is. There's no drive in me for anything and that's the part that kills me every second i'm awake
>Thank you guys for giving me some happiness over the past year sadly it never sticks
