>>16071679The problem I had with adapting to people was thinking I was missing something, but in reality, there is nothing for me to really take in that I didn't have before; I am surrounded by people and utterly alone. It's a state of mind and if you're truly used to the loneliness, your mind is adjusted to it and will have trouble adapting. Even though I am highly social and can obtain their attention and get "them" to do what I want them to do, I really don't care much for them outside of practical uses. This is hard for a normie to understand, but I see through them to understand their emotional reliance on each other and their simple day to day peer review to correct their "social" defects.
I think the problem is that I have been exposed to characters in media who act exceptionally more socially human than actual people. It took me awhile to socially become aware that other people around me are not superior to me since I had a pretty bad social anxiety disorder as a child. To me people act like animals and should be treated as such. Sometimes they catch me doing a strange facial reaction or lack of, or that I haven't rehearse enough for in terms of overthinking how a basic human would react. An example of this is how sometimes my facial features don't adapt to what I am feeling or should be such as physical pain. I have serious issues keeping eye contact and using the proper tone of voice. Sometimes I just laugh at conversations I keep with myself in my mind. But so far I've fooled the best and have even completed an entire military contract without people noticing too much out of line. I feel like an imitation of a human being at times, but the reality is that I grew up isolated and uncultured, practically a slave so the chances just were not there for me to take in, but I've tried to be diagnosed with autism, but sadly most specialists are extremely limited in diagnosing a high functioning person who has obsessively reworked themselves.
