>>3135655>be me>33 married 7 years, one white male baby to carry on my legacy, a 2nd on the way>troubled childhood, abusive parents>never fit in at school>attempted suicide, too pussy to go through with it>actual athlete though no chad, accepted into college on a swimming scholarship (of all the sports, swimming is the worst for kids with mental illness, my firmest belief)>turn to drinking, panic attacks, do poorly in classes, barely graduate in 4 years>years later, turn to the chemical jew, now taking 100mg of sertraline daily (generic Zoloft)>has sexual side effects, have lost most of my sex drive and have trouble "finishing" when engaged in sexual intercourse with my wife>every now and then stop taking it, regain sex drive and ability to achieve completion>when not on drugs, succumb to the pornos and fap daily>when on drugs, experience general happiness in my daily life (it does actually help to stem the tide of manic depression and I no longer feel the need to kill myself) but also experience lucid dreaming like op>just last night I was having a realistic dream where my boss was living a double life, and I was an assassin hired to kill him, shot him twice in the head after an accomplice rammed the back of his car>came to the horrible realization that the "hired assassin" part was made up in my mind and I was actually now just a normal murderer>spent the whole rest of the night fully believing my life was over and I had just killed an innocent personwtf, is all this really worth it? sometimes I believe the minimum 55,000,000 population is not a meme, and that depression and suicidal tendencies in relatively normal people with nothing to be sad about is natures way (or some other insidious plot?) of achieving the 55,000,000 homeostasis requirement, please tell me I'm wrong
