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I was nothing but an average young man once, but not anymore. When I finally achieved eternal youth and immortality 40 years ago, I did even more to further satisfy myself. Once I turned 66, I made sure to visit every person I knew in my life, younger or a bit older, and told their dried out selves: "Pathetic", while having grin like a crescent moon on my young, superior face. The acquaintances looked at me with envy, thinking "I wish I was young like him", but then they realized that the reason I look young even as an old man is something they will never achieve. After all, when I turned 30, I was a virgin, unlike rest of them, which granted me magic powers. I used these powers to become immortal, which also granted me eternal youth, as mentioned above. Soon I will start to wander the earth till the end of time and preach philosophy of why staying a virgin should be the ultimate goal of every man, to transcend the animalistic desires we get from the pathetic meatsuits that hinder our spiritual and magical development and ascend beyond the limits of petty mortality.
