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I don't want to live, i dont want to spend next 40 or more years alone in pain. I dont want to die either. I really want to live but not here, i want to enjoy living, i want be where there's no suffering. I want to experience happiness and love. I want to help others and i want others to help me. Only goal of my life is to search for place like this, it doesn't matters how many times i die, i won't give up and i will escape this place.