>>2551082I pretend to be happy enough. Let me at least be sad for once. Every time someone asks if I'm ok I always say yes and give them a nice smile. I can't show that I'm sad. Well I can but I can't. Maybe it's the ego of mine: I don't want people to see me in that sort of light: I don't want to be the one helped: I want to be the one to help. I want to fucking die. And if I tell someone that then I'll have to go through some bullshit counseling that won't end up helping anyways. I'd never open up to some fuckhead of a therapist. Not even to friends fucking hell. I think way to much. I'm in my head a lot. I spend most of my day thinking and reflecting. Talking to myself in a way that isn't conversational. Getting my thoughts in order. I want to get out but I've been doing this for so long I don't know how.
