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I tried to sleep early yesterday you know like a normal human like waking up in the morning and be productive and normal and helpful and contributing values to myself and society and shit but I laid 2 hours with my eyes closed I still cant sleep the thoughts keep beating me up they hurt me so fucking badly my chest tightens so bad I can't escape the thoughts so I gooned and edged for 3 hours until I became numb and dumb and drained then I went to bed now I wake up I feel utter shit Im such a fucking piece of shit human being I wish I win the lottery so I can use the money to pay it back and compensate for all the people that were good to me in my life and help build a better future for the people I care about then I can just fucking shoot myself in the fucking head with a grenade or something Im just
fuck