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I wake up and my eyes are kinda glued shut and if I yawn or open them manually it sets off what can only be described as a chain reaction of horrible events. Pain followed by constant pain every time my eyes move in the socket and superhuman light sensitivity that has an almost pitch black room seem like I'm on the surface of the sun. An hour or two of agony that thankfully does end eventually leaving both eyes flushed red but in the meantime so unpleasant it makes me genuinely scared that if this time it doesn't just go away I will go blind, or I will have to kill myself to be free from the pain.
HOWEVER my friends. After many days of this terrible thing I've figured out how to avoid it. Reach up to my closed eyes and carefully, gently, knead around them, tugging with my fingers, slowly and gently breaking their seals with circular finger options. Then I can open them normally and it's all fine.
Haven't gone to a doctor since I solved it but yeah. Can't imagine what's wrong with me.