>>18762802I don’t know if I ever really knew what I wanted to be. I think I’ve been just sleepwalking my entire fucking life, honest. I guess I had this fantasy of being an ambassador but my shit college grades fucked that and I lost job after job from emotional shit, now I’m 33 and spending all my money in Japan because I wanted to try a big pilgrimage hike and I couldn’t even do that.
I don’t have anything but a bagful of toys and a manic delusion on what next to see, trying not to think of how I’m not going to afford any of this. I genuinely don’t see any way out but suicide at Christmas, because I’ll be going back to work in Portland Oregon in November and there’s nothing but Covid and madness down there. I’d say I’ve wasted my life, but after getting caught masturbating to j-list on the school toilets when I was 11 I can’t really say I’ve had a life beyond wishing I had a different one somehow. Everything’s shit, everything’s awful, and I feel the more I talk here the more the FBI agent on my case is rubbing his cock, another fat white goy in despair. Fuck, I hate everything, and Jesus is fake and gay so don’t reply to me with that shit.
