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>be awkward, depressed sperg my whole life
>only got to where I could appear normal and socialize at ~23
>never take any uppers until a year ago
>try 5 mg adderall
>insane productivity increase, drive to do things and improve my life skyrockets
>manage to find more, steadily dose myself staying at 5mg with a rare exception of taking 10mg in a day
>skip days to see if I can do fine without it, some days better than others
>literally my favorite thing in the world, not worried about getting addicted to it but I will miss it when I no longer have access
>feel like I'm nothing but useless when I'm not on it, which is the same feeling I had before I ever took it
>feel like I can do anything, talk to anyone, get any job I apply for when on it
>can't talk to people confidently or with the same swagger when not on it
I don't know what to think anymore. I'm scared to take any more than I do because I'm scared I'll be hooked on it hard, where I can still walk away from it now, albeit I'd be sad about it.
