Quoted By:
i am usually aware of the 2 choices i have when i feel anything.
>to enable it
>to not enable it
why was i unable to not enable it today? i think it is because my mother baited me with something that has deep emotional value for me. someone told her about their son, who is my age, which probably made my mother angry (because she could not use me, her son, to get social status points(she used me for that when i was a child)). so when she came home she started humiliating me about it, calling me a loser etc. when i told her its her fault, she went into a schizo gaslight rant. i think, most likely having the schizo gaslight rant step on something which has high emotional value for me overwhelmed my brain and i was too weak to resist. it was a mistake. my consciousness (i) should never enable those feelings. enabling bad feelings has never any value