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This may be a schizo post for some but I don't care. I will be as honest as possible:
>26 years old
>dad German, mother Romanian
>happy childhood. Was a good student in elementary school.
>go to highschool. Do well in 5th and 6th grade
>stumble upon pornography and a game on phone
>become addicted to it
>fail 7th class, redo it. Go to 8th class barely pass it. Go to 9th class and fail at it again
>bullied for fun since I was the quiet kid and I talk slow and have huge issue with fine motor skills
>go to a lower form of highschool
>achieve my diploma and go to vocational school after
>get higher degree
>want to go to college and study economics
>failed an exam twice there. Mentor says I don't have enough credits and need to drop out
>do voluntary year in health sector
>do office clerk apprenticeship in health company
>almost fired for refusing covid vaccine (unvaxed still)
>struggle with depression since 7th grade also some bad thoughts
>OCD kicks in and I stumble upon alcohol, vapeing and so on
>see society going downhill. I never really felt like I fit in society
>start gym in 2015 but didn't go regulary since covid hoax happened
>parents don't know what's wrong with me
>feel like having no purpose. Also company didn't hire me so I'm unemployed now
>feel like I lived before
Like I like Germany and the people but there were also some retards. I feel sorry for all the brainwashing and propaganda that this great country and people experienced and somehow want people to know the truth.
The weird thing is when I listen to music, especially phonk and have some nicotine in me (sometimes even without) I start imagining things.
Like one example is working out with almost no people in an empty gym and a big American flag in the background. I don't know why but the flag somehow fills me with pride and I can't tell you why.
Am I schizophrenic, anons? I really felt like I lived before but don't remember it anymore.
