>>8304815T H E B I B LE 2: S P E C I A L E D I T I O N 2-D I S C S E T:
Most Christians are split between the canon original (aka Old Testament) and the money grabbing reboot (aka New Testament). There's also the shitty fanfic spinoff of the New Testament (aka The Book of Mormon), which somehow manages to be even more batshit crazy than the canonical Bible to the point that even real Christians won't go near it, and there is much debate as to which version is best. Clearly, you can trust Encyclopedia Dramatica to give you advice on such matters.
OLD TESTAMENT:
Starting from the beginning of all life as we know it, we learn of God and the mysterious ways of how he rolls. The majority of the Old Testament is made up of telling a lulzy world history that science would've made boring (one must admit, "And on the 3,749,158th day, the amorphous blob grew leg-like appendages" isn't very inspiring when framed and hung up on some redneck's wall). The lulz stem from whenever God, seeing that his creation is plagued with sinners and evil, decides to troll IRL. These included actions such as flooding the entire world, creating the concept of foreign languages just to confuse everybody, slaughtering innocent children, and destroying everyone and everything having anything to do with a city full of faggotry.
However, God has shown a kinder side, as that last act caused him to give a similar city a second chance by sending some self-righteous asshole to tell them to cut it out. They did, but this wasn't enough for the man. Miles away, the man commanded God to kill them anyway, hoping to lulz with God. The man waited for days, but God, feeling untrollish, ignored him, turning him into a weeping husk of a man. God let him die, leaving him and the world a message: "God is not your personal army." The rest of the Old Testament is boring as desiccated dog shit.
