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>wake up alone in my 123sq ft apartment and get ready for work
This is your mistake, you're following the path of the jew. You're a cog in the rat race.
Sell your shit, buy some land in the countryside. Build up some experience and cash working for farmers or the local small shops. Start growing your own food, keep some animals, build and fix things yourself - we're in the age of the internet it's legit never been easier.
You will never be happy as long as you're not living for yourself.
