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I just finally got a job after being unemployed for... fuck 14 months I think now.
It gives me everything - great pay, full WFH, advancement and travel opportunities etc.
I... just don't know how to process any of this at all. Imagine feeling for so damn long all your work and accomplishments were for nothing and wishing you were better off dead. Where one day just blends into another and feeling like your very personhood (soul maybe?) was fading away. And then you suddenly win the lottery out of nowhere.
I'm hopeful, but I don't feel as happy as I should be. I'm scared. I'm scared of losing a job again. I'm scared of disappointing my family and myself again. I know this will pass eventually, but I've never felt this much genuine fear in a long time.
Anyway rant over. I did not intend to brag and for those still trapped in NEETdom I wish you the best, everyone deserves to be valued. I just had to share my thoughts.
