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I hate the commercials but got to admit, it caused me to look them up. I ended up ordering a Moo Goo Gai Pan burrito from Chico & Chang along with a two liter bottle of Mt. Dew. The price was a bit high, about double what I would have paid if I went myself, but the convenience seemed worth it. A couple hours after placing my order, the door bell rang. There was a lovely black woman delivering my food. She was half way down the hallway. She said it was for covid and that once I placed her tip on the ground and closed the door, she would collect the tip and put my food on the ground where I could collect it once she left.
Once I got my food, I was happy. Finally my Moo Goo Gai Pan Burrito! I started dancing with joy! It was cold as ice but I didn't care. I took a couple of pictures of the burrito for my intsta and dug in. I was doing it! I was actually eating a Chinese-Mexican fusion burrito!
A few hours later I was still dancing around for joy in my condo when I felt my belly move. I looked down to see I appeared to be pregnant. How could this happen? I have no ovaries! But i was even more overjoyed that the universe had chosen me to be a Real Woman! I danced some more to the beats of an Afro-Caribbean song I was streaming from the BLM channel.
Then all hell broke loose. What I thought was a baby was a build up of gas. I tried to hold it in but it's been years since I could hold my anus tight enough to not need to wear Depends in public. Since I was at home, I was only in sweatpants. I couldn't hold it in any longer. Out streamed a frothy jet of spicy smelling liquid goo. I splattered everywhere, including on my exposed brick wall. It just kept coming out.
When it finally stopped, I looked around. There was liquid shit everywhere, including on the set of white sheets my mom mailed me. Suddenly I was inspired.
I took the feces splattered sheet, put it on canvas stretcher bars, and had to hung up in a modern art gallery next to the barcade where it sold for $1488!
