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it seems like it's hard for some people to let themselves have fun maybe because they were taught that it is wrong, and were likely punished for it. i keep watching this youtuber who keeps saying sorry whenever he catches himself having too much fun. even in myself, i noticed from kindergarten, i would make an effort not to smile when photos were being taken of me, or even allow myself to enjoy the excitement of a rollercoaster. i would force the smile back into myself. i don't know why this is, but i feel like it's a big reason for why i pursue hedonism and selfish pleasures.
