>>17001537well my situation is a lot more complicated i think, cause literally everything was fine and she was always very kind and understanding for me, she is still kind of but obviously so many fucked up things happened it just can't be otherwise, i understand that it was all just a matter of time until she gets sad or mad at me and just stops talking to me but it doesn't really make me feel better i just want to go back in time and like never do the things i did for all of that to happen
>>17001555all those things also changed me pretty drastically like i'm also not the same guy i was 2 years ago and well i really hope i managed to change in better ways cause i know how to acknowledge my mistakes and how to not do them again but sometimes i just can't really control my feelings, like that night yesterday when i was just going nuts and couldn't calm myself down but now i'm all burnt out and unusually calm but more like just my fucking soul finally passed away or something
i really just don't know what i will or should do but i hope in the end my brain will settle down on some conclusion and i also will talk with her for some more but yeah it's all still very fucking grim and suicide inducing
maybe it's just like another turn of sad events and maybe she will delete all the chats we will have from now on so it's always scary for the first time
>>17001577well yes that's true and i know that she's just some random person i happened to met but she just infused me with happiness and will to live and all the other good stuff so now i just deflated back to being this sad and pathetic creature with no hope and no future
