>>21261695>>482329823Happy birthday anon, I'm in the same boat.
I never cared about my birthdays, half my family had died when I was a kid and there was just always fighting since then.. it it just ruined it for me. My grandma still cared though and would make a big deal out of it, not over the top celebrations but come over for dinner and try to give me stuff even when I said not to.
She died, well was murdered. I cut everyone else out of my life because they were toxic. I was and still am alone, just like you described.
I got sad one year, it was the first time I actually felt anything about a birthday, and it was loneliness. So I tried reaching out to my last and oldest friend. All I wanted was someone bro have a quick lunch with, and he wouldn't it. He's a cop, and turned out to be working a case against me for what appears to be his whore and was covering up her corruption. He wouldn't even answer the phone. He texted a bit, I said to not forget a kid always needs their father, and he said he'll listen to my opinions another time. A few weeks later I was getting really suicidal, I tried calling him again to ask him to hold my guns for me since i trusted him, and he still wouldn't take a call. A few days later I put a .45 ACP with hollow points to my head, flipped off the safety and started pulling back on the trigger.
I hope one day to give him that bullet so he can kill himself with it.
He was right, a child doesn't always need their father, his kid would be better off without him. He was always a peice of shit, and calling him my friend was one of my oldest mistakes.
