>>18036332Anon I'm sure you're going through a lot of pain right now but you need to find the strength within yourself to keep going on. I don't really know your situation and don't intend to play internet armchair therapist but you may want to reach out to some online communities or find some new hobbies to tide you over.
What matters most is happiness comes from within, not in the arms of another, and you need to see what it is you truly want and what steps you need to take to achieve it. You already sound like you're slowly taking the steps to do that and im confident you can make it if you just keep going.
